Travels

I love to travel.  I'll go anywhere.  Every destination is an experience, a chance to learn something new.  New cultures, new food (but I'm not that much of an adventurous eater).  My mom and I have made a pact, that every time we go somewhere new, we will only eat at places we've never been.  No McDonalds, Subway, Pizza Hut.  Fast food is okay, as long as it is something that we can't get around here.  It's fun, and challenging.  I was thinking today about my favorite travels.  Places that I would go to again and again.  So here are my top five, so far:

#5   The Alamo, San Antonio TX---This one is surprising.  I thought it would be lame, and I only went because my mom was had a meeting in Dallas, so it would be easy to get there.  Honestly, the only reason I went was to mark it off my 100 Places to See list.  But---it was awesome.  The building itself is very nondescript and easy to overlook.  We walked right past it without realizing.  San Antonio has been built up around the Alamo and it is absolutely criminal.  The Alamo is nearly invisible, surrounded by souvenir shops, tie died t-shirt shops and places to get cheap jewelry.  Criminal.  The Chapel and Long Barracks are all that remain.  It is worth a trip down there, though.  You can stand where the battle took place. The Long Barracks houses a small, but wonderful museum full of weaponry, uniforms, currency and photos from the battle.  I was surprised, but the Alamo has consistently been on the short list.  It's a very emotional site, and I would encourage anyone who visits to study up on the battle before going.

Chapel at the Alamo

#4 Bryce Canyon, Utah---Bryce Canyon is an anomaly.  There is nowhere else like it in the world.  The Amphitheater is the most famous landmark, and with good reason.  It's bowl shaped and full of what they call hoodoos.  Stalagmite looking things.  I really can't even describe them.  But it's weird and beautiful.  Ed Note: Watch out for the cops in the little town called Hatch.  Cost me $95.00.

Bryce Canyon Amphitheater

#3 New England, VT NH and ME---The Green and White Mountains are beautiful, especially on the VT/NH border.  Maine is in a class by it's own.  Maine is, in my opinion, the one state that has it all together.  It's beautiful just to look at, Portland is a fabulous town, Freeport is FULL of stores (and L.L. Bean!) and the coast is unrivaled.  I could spend a lot of time, and money, there.

Cape Elizabeth, ME

Bailey Island, ME

Acadia Nat'l Park, ME

#2  Pacific Northwest, OR and WA---The Pacific Northwest has been my favorite vacation, on the whole.  I loved it there.  I loved everything about it.  The famous Oregon coast (which is public land), Crater Lake (which has the absolute worst road.  Terrifying) and the Lewis and Clark Trail.  Washington is amazing.  San Juan islands, Hoh Rainforest (it is actually a rain forest) beaches full of driftwood and Mt Rainier, which I didn't get to see.  That is for another post, entitled "The Time I was so Disappointed I Wanted to Kill Myself."

San Juan Islands, WA

Kalaloch Beach, WA

Hurricane Ridge, Olympic Nat'l Park WA
See the hikers??

#1 Grand Tetons, WY---I can scarcely believe there is a place in the United States as beautiful as the Tetons.  They are beyond description.  I would look at pictures, before we left, and think to myself "There is no way it looks like that."  Well, it does.  They're breathtaking.  Jenny Lake and Jackson Lake are beautiful and Mormon Row is an absolute must see.  The Chapel of the Transfiguration is still in use.  The alter of the chapel is a giant window overlooking the Tetons.

Grand Tetons, from Signal Mountain

Leeks Marina
Great Pizza

Mormon Row

Horses at Mormon Row

So those are my top five, so far. 



 

 

 

 

New Year's Eve

So I was going to wax poetic about something meaningful today, can't remember what, but I threw my back out five minutes before I left for work.  This has never happened to me before, and I can honestly say I don't care for it.  I can't walk.  I can't sit.  I just tried to answer the phone and it hurt and I knocked over my Mt Dew and spilled it all over myself.  So today is a total bust. 

Last night was my mammy's retirement party.  She's worked at the Health Department for thirty one years, and been a nurse for forty.  What a strange feeling that must be, to no longer have a job.  To just not go to work any more.  I think everyone had a good time.  There were coworkers, friends and family, women that she went to nursing school with, (some four decades ago), old school friends.  They had a slide show of my mom from her early nursing days to present, which was fun to watch.  Man alive, she has made some questionable hair and fashion choices over the years.  Several coworkers told stories (none of them flattering, chief among them my mom's refusal to give an enema.  In forty years, she's never given an enema.  Who knew??) and she received a mantle clock, which had an inscribed plaque on the back.

That's my mammy, on the left

I made a big mistake yesterday.  Frankie loves to play fetch with my hair ties and I'll throw them all over the room, he chases after them and brings them back to me.  Yesterday I tried to throw it on the back of the couch, but I threw it right in between Fatty and the wall.   Frank ran over and tried to get his hair tie and Fatty swatted at him.  He tried to sneak his hand in to get it, Fatty swatted him.  Poor Frank tried and tried to get his hair tie but Fatty wasn't having it.  So, in the end, Frankie gave up and they both took a nap. 

Look who was in my tree this morning!  I love cardinals.  Mrs Cardinal was in the tree, too, but I couldn't get a picture of her, though.  She was a lot harder to see.

Baby Frank has found his bed and he think's it's A-OK!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

Sleeeeepy

 

Well Crap

Cracks me up every........time. 

Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas, around our parts.  Very small, just my parents, brother and I.  I had to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas day and that harshed my buzz, but we still had fun.  We had our gift exchange on Christmas Eve, after I got off of work.  Biscuits and gravy were on the menu, and I'm going to try my hardest to make that a tradition because they're delicious. 

Fat and Frank needed new beds, because I only have one bed and they fight over it.  One bed is not enough for two cats, come to find out.  Grandma and Grandpa were kind enough to get them both their own bed, from Petco.   These beds were $40 and Mom said they had the same beds at out local farm supply store for about five bucks.  But my boys do not nap in beds bought from a farm supply store.  No sir.  Noooohohoho sir.  They do not.

I was so excited to get their beds put up.  It was the first thing I did when I got home.  I put them in the window, where the old bed was.  I sprinkled a little catnip in them, so they'd be attracted to them.  As soon as I turned around, Fatty was already climbing into his bed.  I was so excited, because I thought it might be awhile before they'd use them.  They don't like change.  So I go out to my car to get the rest of my presents, come back in, and find Fatty whizzing all over that bed.  He soaked it.  There was so much pee that it dribbled all over the floor when I carried it to the sink.  I rinsed it out as best I could and threw it in the washer.  Within three minutes of being home, my day had taken a serious nosedive.

Why did he do that?  Did he confuse his bed with his litter box?  Those beds are pretty big, I guess, but I still don't know why he peed in it.  He has never done anything like that.  Never.  In the eleven and a half years that I've had him, I've never been mad at him.  I've been aggravated a handful of times.  You can't live with someone that long and never get on each other's nerves.  Last night, I was mad at him.  He peed all over his special Petco bed. 

Luckily, it all came out.  There is no pee smell, that I can detect anyway, so I think it'll be all right.  This morning he finally realized that they are not litter boxes.  He was all curled up in one, but not the one he peed in.  He was sleeping in Frankie's nice, clean bed.  I think Fatty should have to sleep in the pee soaked one.  Serves him right.

I bought the boys a catnip toy each, which were kind of pricey, and watched Frankie bat a coke bottle cap all over the floor, instead of playing with his new toy.  Oh, well.  He had fun.  Aside from the bed incident, we had a good Christmas.  My parents and brother are healthy and happy. My boys are doing well.  What more could I ask for? 

 

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas, from my family to yours!

It's a major award!!!

Today I got a card from Mayor Dad and the City Commissioners for ten years of "loyal service", which came with $50.00.  Not too shabby!  Four of us got cards this year.  Another guy for ten years, one for five and the old guy has been here for thirty five years.  Thirty five!  He's worked here for as long as I've been alive.  I can't imagine that kind of longevity.  It's impressive.  So that's my major award.  ("It's a major award!!", of course, coming from A Christmas Story)

My mom retires on the 31st, after a forty year nursing career.  Today she sent me a snapchat with "4" written on today's date on her calendar. (the number of work days she has left.)  So I figured it up.  If I work until I'm sixty (same age as my mom) I will have approximately 6,240 work days until I retire.  I shouldn'ta did the math.  It's depressing. 

Every year for Christmas, the Catholic Church in town brings us about a dozen bottles of wine.  This year they brought a bottle of this:

 

 

Alcohol free wine.  I'm not much of a drinker.  I just don't like it, nothing against it.  This stuff wasn't too bad.  It tasted about like half wine and half grape juice.  It isn't nearly as stout as regular wine, but it still had a little "winey" taste to it.  Not half bad. 

 

 



Happenings

Today was the Christmas party for my mom's side. Nothing fancy. Just sandwiches and chips. And about 850 no bake cookies. We had a white elephant gift exchange where everyone passes their gift to the right every time the word "and" is said during a recitation of Twas the Night Before Christmas. It's fun. This year gifts included a pair of emergency underpants, in a little tin. A giant plastic loaf of bread and the present  my brother brought:

An autographed photo of himself.  Winner winner chicken dinner.  My mom brought some sort of iron fish skeleton thing.  One end looks like it might hold a candle, but it won't stand on end.  The end, to me, sort of looked like a trumpet mouthpiece.  I told her I'd buy her Dairy Queen if she could get anyone at the party to blow into it like a trumpet.  She won.  My uncle did it and it was as funny as I thought it would be.  She fed him sort of bull about it being an Aztec flute.  "If you play it you'll have good luck!!!"  We have literally no idea what that thing is, which is what makes it such a great white elephant gift.  So tomorrow I'll have to buy DQ.  Totally worth it. 

 

We broke Grandma out of the hoosegow for the day and she really seemed to enjoy herself.   When she first got to the house we put on the Rockettes, some sort of Christmas special.  She loved it. She said she's actually seen the Rockette's, in person, I think she said at an Andy Williams show.   She thought she was in Port Huron, MI.  She thought my mom and I were in the hospital, even though we were standing right next to her and she put a Band-Aid on her forehead for no reason.  When they took her back to the nursing home she thought they were taking her to the Casino Royale.  She was pretty impressed with that, because she said she knows how expensive those rooms are....She did enjoy herself, though, and I couldn't be happier because next year will most likely be a different story. 

 

Last night we drove around to look at Christmas lights.  A girl from work and I judged the city Christmas Lights Competition.  We had a list of ten houses or so and had to judge them.  It was hard to not give them all a "10", just for effort.  A lot of work went into those displays.  Afterwards, we went out to the park to see it all pimped out, and it was pretty.  Local businesses set up Christmas displays, and some were really clever.  The little train was running and Santa was there, so there were a ton of people out.  It was nice to see so many families out looking at the lights and taking train rides. 

  I have NONE of my Christmas wrapped.  Not one present.  I work tomorrow night 9p-5a, so I figure I'll do it then.  Probably after midnight.  Something to keep me busy. 

 

The boys had turkey and giblets for dinner tonight.  They get that every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.  I get a big dinner, so I figure they should, too.  They love it.  Ate it like they were being paid to do it. 

Hilarious

Vet

Big Diabeto had to go to the vet today. He's lost a lot of fur on his back. It looks just like it did when his blood sugar was over 600. I check him every Sunday and his sugar has been about 130, with no insulin. He's in remission now and hasn't had any shots for over a month (cats can do that which is one of the reasons why cats are so awesome).  I was worried something else was going on, or that my glucometer was broken. The vet got a reading of 114, which is great. She found what looked like flea dirt. She never found any fleas, but thinks he was probably bitten and had an allergic reaction. He can't have any steroids, on account of his diabetes, so he just got a massive dose of flea medicine. Frankie got some, too. Hopefully that fixes it.  I'm glad his sugar is stable. He weighed eighteen pounds, which is really good. When he was first diagnosed, they told me to me to keep him around eighteen pounds. That is waaaaay above average but he's just a huge cat. He's not even fat. (He used to weigh upwards of 25 pounds. Then he was fat.) it was a good visit. Hopefully we'll get rid of those fleas, because they're super gross. They give me the willies. 

Here he is, relaxing in front of the fake fireplace after a stressful visit to the vet. 

Invisible

Funny thing about being overweight.  It renders a person completely and utterly invisible.  It's like you're not even there.  No one can see you, because you don't matter.  Over the years, people have called me names, mooed and oinked at me while I was out for a walk.  But, honestly, I think the feeling that I don't matter is more hurtful.  That somehow I have less value than someone who's thin.  The people who say rude things to me, they're just assholes.  The world is full of them, and I can deal with it.  But even intelligent, kind and otherwise well meaning people treat me as if I'm somehow less than worthy of their attention.  These are the people that I see every day.  My friends, neighbors and coworkers.  When they treat me badly it hurts.  Way more than a random loser asshole.

I have historically chosen really crappy people to befriend.  Low self esteem, I'm guessing.  I'll make plans with a friend to do something at, say, 7:00.  Seven o'clock comes, and goes, and I'm still waiting.  I wait and wait.  When I finally call, I find out s/he has forgotten all about me.   I have been forgotten, and the offender is completely unapologetic.  Makes no attempt to atone for the slight, no attempt to make me feel better.  To them, it is a nonissue.  I am a nonissue.  Something better came up and they didn't hesitate.  Just left me at home, sitting and waiting. 

The other day, the guys were playing Words With Friends on their phones.  I never had, because I don't have any friends.  Well, apparently everyone at work plays, so I downloaded it on my phone.  I deleted it a few days later because no one played with me.  I asked my friend, from work, if she ever played.  She said she deleted it because she didn't like it.  Two days ago, two of the guys were playing Words With Friends.  I asked them who they were playing.  They were both playing the same friend who said she deleted it because she didn't like it.  It hurt my feelings.  The guys told me to download it again and they'd play with me.  So I did.  Today I deleted it for the second time.  I'm not going to beg. 

It's difficult to articulate why Words With Friends can bother me so much.  It bothers me more than being oinked at.  I just can't believe that no one thinks of me.  No one thinks that I'd like to play games, too.  No one thinks of me, period. 

This country is so messed up.  Our values are so messed up.  I am smart.  I am kind.  I'm thoughtful, caring, funny.  All of those things.  I have a huge list of pros on my side, but one very big con.  In this country, I am looked down upon just because I'm not thin.  Even with all of the pros, I have very little value.  I know people will say "Oh, that's not true.  It doesn't matter what size you are.  You're a beautiful person!"  And the ever popular, "It's what's on the inside that counts."  Horse shit.  A person's size shouldn't matter.  At all.  But it does.  Even more than the positives. 

Would it be better if I were a thin asshole?  I think it would.  I could be an absolute flaming asshole, but as long as I'm not fat, it's okay.  I see it on a daily basis.  We have put our emphasis, our values, in the wrong place.  It doesn't matter if a woman is a horrible person.  Just don't be fat.  Overweight people are seen as stupid and lazy, regardless of the cause.  Not everyone is overweight because they eat too much or have no self control. 

I'm the most kind hearted, thoughtful person I know.  Anyone would be lucky to have me.  But if I stay heavy, am I destined to remain alone?  Just because of that one thing?  Am I going to be forgotten and overlooked forever?  If you were to ask my coworkers what they thought of me, I'm sure you'd hear glowing reviews.  I'm sure they'd tell you how funny I am, how sweet and thoughtful.  A hard worker, good at my job.  Easy to get along with.  So why am I not included?  Why am I always on the outside looking in?  I'm jealous of my work friend, but not a romantic kind of jealousy.  I have no romantic feelings for anyone I work with. I'd just like to be included in whatever everyone else is doing.  I just want to be remembered.  I want someone to hear something funny and tell me about it just because they thought I'd like it.  I want someone to see a cute picture of a cat and bring it to me because they know I like cats.  I want to play Words With Friends like everyone else.  I want to be asked to go to a Cardinal game, just because they know I like baseball and they thought I'd like to go, too. 

I know this doesn't make me seem like that great of a person, but every time I'm cast aside and overlooked, it hurts.  And I hate them.  I hate them all.  I do.  Every time I see them on their phones, playing games with each other, every time I sit at home waiting for someone to pick me up, I hate them.  They're not bad people, really.  Just products of their environment.  I'm not a bad person, either, but I hate them all the same.  And they have no idea. 


So what am I to do?  What if I'm unable to lose weight?  Accept it, I guess.  That's about all there is to do.  I can't change the world.  Am I always going to be on the outside looking in?  I have no friends, but I'd rather be alone than with people who are disrespectful.  That, I will not tolerate.  So, I will continue to hang out with my cats.  They like me.

Blues

Me and Frankfurter, watching the Blues game. He's a huge fan. 

Kisses

Baby Frank gets cuddles, too. 

Cuddles

Poor Fatty doesn't get many cuddles anymore. Baby Frank has taken over everything, to include my lap. They will not share lap space. That is prime real estate. They'll share food but they won't share me. Frankie doesn't mean any harm. He is the sweetest little guy and he's never been mean to Fatty.  But he's young and he quickly took over the dominant roll at home.  Frankie is the pants wearer.  I feel so awful for Fatty.It just breaks my heart to see him sit on the couch alone. Sometimes he just sits and watches us, if Frankie is on my lap. So I've started putting Frank in my room and getting Fatty for some cuddles. With Frank shut up Fatty has me all to himself for awhile. It usually takes him a minute or two to really relax. It's like he keeps expecting Frankie to lunge at him from out of nowhere. I swear that cat is a ninja. I feel better giving Big Fat some one on one time. And it's not like Frankie is suffering. He just goes to sleep. When I open the door to let him out he usually gives me the stink eye for waking him up. 

Mani

I got my nails did this afternoon. I usually just go for regular red or mauve. Nothing fancy pants.  Seeing as Christmas is almost upon us, I went a little wild. I did the accent nail thing, which is totally popular right now. Honestly, I think it looks kind of ridiculous.  I'm not sure about it.....

Tiny Dancer

She is a fellow resident at Grandma's nursing home.  She was listening to the piano player after the party.  When your groove comes on, you gotta dance!!!

Christmas at the Nursing Home

• Today was the Christmas Party at my Grandma's nursing home.  Santa came.  They all received a gift and cookies and punch afterwards.  My grandma is ninety one years old and she' just recently moved into the nursing home.  It's been extraordinarily difficult for my mom to see her very recently independent mother in such a place.  Grandma lives in the memory unit, which is a step up from the regular nursing home residents.  Most of the residents in the memory unit are mobile, for the most part, and verbal.  They can communicate.  Most don't know who or where they are, but they are capable of carrying on a conversation.  I don't handle the nursing home well.  I'm a sensitive soul and visits with my grandma usually upset me.  The sounds, the smells.  These people aren't even aware they're alive.  Those that do probably beg for death.  It's just so surreal for me.  Today I helped my mom help her mom on and off the toilet. We put on her Depends and got her dressed.  Just like a baby.  I can't believe that my grandma wears a diaper.  She's lost bowel and bladder control.  And what is even worse to me is when my mom has to change her pants because Grandma has pooped everywhere.  And I mean everywhere.  But it's not that she's pooped her pants.  It's that she doesn't seem upset by it.  It doesn't bother her in the least that her daughter is having to change her pants and her diaper, just like an infant.  Her mind is so far gone that having a diaper change doesn't even register.  It's upsetting to me.  My grandma used to own her own business.  She was a business woman.  Now she's living the life of a baby.  She lives in a locked unit with other residents who are sitting in their own waste.  Residents who don't recognized loved ones when they visit.  It's awful.  What am I going to do when it's MY mom???  When I'm having to put on my mom's diaper and wipe her bottom?  I can't see my mom in that situation, but I'm sure she didn't see hers like that either.  It happens.  But today she had a good day.  Mom and I went over about an hour early.  We got her dressed and foo-foo'd her hair. Put on a little make-up.  Santa brought her a gift.  She got a make-up bag full of nail polish, chapstick, lipstick, candy, hand cream, powder.   All kinds of stuff.  And she went through all of it.  I'm not entirely sure she knew what was going on today, that it was a Christmas party, but she did seem to have a really good time.  And I'm glad.  



 

Getting her hair did before the party

*

Her pretty Christmas outfit

Getting her gift from Santa!

She takes forever to open a present

Her new powder and lipstick

A local doctor came after the party to play the piano.  She loved it!

I don't know who this kid is, but he helped Santa pass out presents.  He was adorable!

 

Spaghetti

Love love love it when I pick up the opened spaghetti box upside down. Love it. 

$$$$

At work, we have the ability to sell back some of our sick time.  We have to accrue one hundred days and then we can sell anything over for half time, but that takes a loooong time.  Every year the secretary would hand out the forms to those who have sick days to sell back.  I never got one because I hadn't been here long enough.  This year, I finally made it.  I got to sell back two days!   I got a check for $167.98.  It took ten years to build up enough time to sell it.  I'm so proud.  I didn't care if they cut me a check for fifty cents, I was just so excited to finally get there.  It took forever, but this year I finally got to fill out the little form!  Yay me!!

The Subway

I am not a stupid person.  I have my faults, sure.  But stupidity is not one of them.  I'm college educated.  I have a great deal of common sense and decent reasoning and problem solving skills.  But if there is one thing on earth that can make me feel stupid, it's the subway.  Any subway.  I'm from a small town.  The nearest city is St Louis and it's over two hours away.   Trying to get anywhere on a subway is the most baffling experience.  I always feel like such a dumb ass.  I live in a town where I can (nearly) run to Wal-Mart, buy some paper towels, come home and make some coffee all during a commercial break.  It's a very small town with no need for public transportation.  Buses, subways and taxis are completely foreign to me.

My mom and I are in Chicago for the weekend and, of course, we are using public transportation.  I'm feeling good about it, because after five years of travel, I have finally (kind of) gotten the hang of subways.  You get the card at the little kiosk thing.  Stick the card in the turnstile thing then pick your subway.  ***there are two sets of problems with subways.  the card and then the actual subway***  This particular day I'm feeling confident.  I've got this.  I'm on it.  I even tell Mom that I've gotten it figured out.  I tell her to watch me walk up to the kiosk and put money on the card like a pro.  Watch me, I says.  

We walk downstairs to the subway and I STRUT, we'll call it strut, to the kiosk.  I get my subway card out.  I get ready to put the card in the kiosk and this little old lady saddles up next to me.  She's about four feet tall, maybe seventy years old.  I can tell she is completely bewildered.  She needs help.  "Sorry lady", I think to myself, "I have to concentrate".  So I turn back to Mom and ask her if she can find a transit worker to help this poor (stupid idiot) lady.  I look at her with pity because it must be sooo awful to be so stupid.  Really, it must hurt.  Me, I'm not stupid.  I've got it figured out.  I'm a boss at subways.

Back to the business at hand, I stick the card in the little slot.  The machine kicks it out.  I stick the card in the machine again.  Again, it gets kicked out.  I do this seven or eight more times.  I stick it in, the machine kicks it out.  Over and over.  

By now the transit worker has helped the poor (stupid idiot) lady with her subway ticket.  I can't take it anymore so I turn back to Mom and I say "Why isn't this working???"  

The transit worker looks at me, with pity, and says "Because that's your room key."  I look down and, sure enough, I'm holding the key to room 414 of the Hilton on Michigan Ave.  I had repeatedly--repeatedly--stuck my hotel room key in the subway token kiosk.  

So, I check my pocket, find my subway token and put it in the kiosk.  Worked like a charm.  I heard that lady laughing as she walked away.  I'm sure I made the Chicago subway Christmas newsletter that year.  I was mortified, and not just because I tried to add money to my room key, but because I was so confident, so sure I had it figured out.  I looked down on the little old lady who asked me for help.  I rolled my eyes at her, judged her, because she was too dumb to get a subway token.  At least she was smart enough to not use a room key.  So, on that day, I got my ass handed to me.  By karma? Life?  Who knows.  But I DO know that I will never be that cocky and arrogant again.  I kept my subway token.  I taped it into my travel journal.  Every time I see it, I just laugh and laugh.  It serves as a good reminder to not get too big for your britches, as my dad says.

That is exactly what I looked like walking up to the machines.  That is not what I looked like walking away...

Stuffy Stuffs

Whilst perusing the cat food aisle at Wal-Mart last night, I found catnip scented bubbles.  With the little wand, just like regular bubbles.  So, of course, I bought catnip bubbles.  I blew so many bubbles last night I nearly passed out.  Neither one of those idiot cats could figure out what was going on.  They didn't swat at the bubbles like they were supposed to, as per the bottle, but just sniffed the floor after the bubbles popped. 

In January I start a new shift.  5am-1pm.  That means getting up at 4am.  Yuck.  Today is an overtime shift and I had to get up at four o'clock.  So I have a little preview of what January will be like.  Prediction: it's going to suck. 

Yesterday Mom and I went to a resale shop to get our white elephant gift.  This store is huge and it's full of crap.  Absolute crap, which makes it perfect for white elephant gifts.  You could walk in the door, throw a dart and wherever the dart lands, that's your present.  It's awesome.   For our gift exchanges, the gift needs to be so bad that the receiver is well within his rights to walk over to the trash and throw away his gift while making eye contact with the person who gave it to him.  It's great.

I used to use Latisse for my eyelashes. That stuff really does work, and I really liked it except it made my eyes red.  My eyelids, eyeballs, everything turned red.  I looked like I either had a wicked cold or was on a three day drunk.  I ordered one of the non-prescription ones, that's supposed to be more of a "conditioner" for your eyelashes.  Everyone said it worked.  I've used it twice and my eyes look like this:

My boys❤️

Drag Racing

One fine spring day, when I still lived at home, I decided I needed to go to the store.  As I was driving north on a country road, I met my mom driving south.  She motioned for me to stop, as if she needed to speak with me.  So I turned around at the next intersection and she backed up to meet me.  So on this road we were both facing the same direction, just to give you a visual.

I talked to Mom for a minute, and then she gets this devilish gleam in her eye.  She gives me a sideways glance and says "You want to race?"  I'm surprised, yet intrigued.  "Of course", I says.  "Okay.  On the count of three we're going to race".  " You got it."  She counts to three and we both floor it.  And I mean, we FLOORED it.  Trouble was, her car was still in reverse.

I shot forward.  She shot backward.  I will never, if I live to be a hundred, forget the look on her face.  Her eyes were HUGE.  To this day I can't believe they didn't pop out of her head.  Her mouth made this tiny little "o" like she just sucked on a lemon.  She had the most surprised-est look I have ever seen on anybody.  Ever.  The time from start to finish could not have been more than two seconds, tops.  But it was the funniest two seconds of my life.  I really doubt that I will ever see anything funnier.

We weren't actually going to drag race home.  Just for a few seconds.  ( I was in a Pontiac Grand Am and she in a Jeep Liberty, so it wouldn't have been much of a race, anyway)  But when the race started, it was legit.  She wasn't doing it for a laugh, either.  She had completely forgotten that her car was in reverse.  We both goosed it, and she threw gravel.  Just headed the wrong direction, is all.

Hike

We hiked today. In snowy twenty eight degree weather. Shouldn't it count for double?? 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wonderings

#1 You know that sound effect in movies, like a dog is being beaten or a cat getting run over by a car?  Where do they get those sound effects?  Did someone actually beat a dog to get it?  Did someone actually run over a cat?  I've always wondered....

#2 How's come when I put my coffee in the microwave, the microwave stops with the mug handle pointing to the back of the microwave?  Then I have to blindly reach in and feel around for the handle, which usually results in sticking my hand in the hot coffee.  Every.....time.

#3 How's come, when I knock something out of the cabinet, it's always that one thing that makes the biggest mess.  Like an open box of baking soda.  And not only does it fall out, it has to cartwheel all the way to the floor, resulting in an even bigger mess.  Just ONCE I want to knock something over and just pick it up.  Just once.

#4 How's come, every time I break the copier at work, I'm always copying something not even remotely related to work?

#5 You know how the water is always cold when you turn on a faucet?  Every time I wash my hands or face the water is cold at first.  So I give it a little tap to the left.  Still cold.  Tiny tap.  Still cold.  More tiny taps. Still cold.  Tiny tap.  Burns the hell out of my hand.  Why doesn't it gradually get warmer?   It goes from freezing to scalding with just a tiny tap. 

Nutcrackers

I love nutcrackers.  I look forward to putting out my special nutcracker table every year at Christimastime.  My dad loves them just as much as me.  Must be where I got it:) I have big ones and small ones.  I'm really proud of my European nutcrackers.  There is an Irish fella holding a four leaf clover, a Scottish one with bagpipes and a little Scottish Terrier and a King of England nutcracker with a crown and scepter.  But my absolute favorite is a giant four foot high nutcracker I found a few years ago.  It didn't matter how much it cost, I needed it.  Needed it, I did I did.  So I bought it and took it home.  I put him right next to my Christmas tree and it was perfect.  I loved that nutcracker.  One day, mid Christmas season, I come home from work and my giant nutcracker was gone.  I was frantic.  I called my mom and told her I couldn't find him and she said "Oh.  That.  Your dad took it."

He had been over at my house, saw my awesome nutcracker and took it. He stole it.  He stole it.  He stole my perfect 4' nutcracker.  Just walked out with it.  Now every time I visit my mom and dad during the holidays, I have to sit and look at my nutcracker, proudly standing by the fireplace.  Dad has no remorse, no feelings of guilt.  He saw it.  He wanted it.  He took it.   MY perfect nutcracker.