9-1-1 Don'ts

There aren't a lot of "don'ts".  If a person has reason to call 9-1-1, something has happened that is likely beyond his control.  We all have little pet peeves ( mine is asking me how I'm doing. Do you really care?  I'm busy and I don't have time to tell you how I'm doing and I'm not going to ask how you're doing.  My last day at work, every person who asks me how I'm doing is going to get a minute by minute rundown of my entire day ), but there are a few situations that send us over the edge.  They are as follows:

Don't let your kid play with a cell phone.  I cannot stress this one enough.  Do not let kids play with cell phones.  Phones will call 9-1-1 even if it wasn't dialed.  All they have to do is mash the  keypad or press random buttons and it will roll over to 9-1-1.  It's a safety feature.  We have to trace the call, call the number back and then send an officer to verify that everything is okay.  It takes a lot of time.  Time that is better spent somewhere else.  Even a phone that has been disconnected can still dial 9-1-1.  It's called a non-initiated call and they are a pain in the ass. A non-initiated call has no phone number attached to it, so we have no way to call back.  And no way to stop the calls.  Some kids get ahold of a phone and make hundreds of calls.  One right after another.  It has happened in my office and it is a nightmare.  We have no way to stop it.  I was in the middle of a hot call once, giving CPR instructions to someone whose parent had just collapsed, when I received another 9-1-1 call.  I had to stop giving CPR instructions to answer the other call and it was a kid playing with a cell phone.  FYI, we don't think it's cute when you kid calls 9-1-1.  Some parents are mortified but some think it's just the cutest.  "Did him's call the powice?  Did him's call the powice????  Who's a widdle twoublemaker?  Him's a widdle twoublemaker!"  Oh, my god.  If I could reach through the phone and tear her head off, I'd do it.  And I wouldn't even feel bad about it.  I know your kid is adorable, but please don't let him play with the phone.  If he absolutely has to do it, take the battery out.

Don't call the police to see if there is weather coming.  We live in a small town, so our peeps call us with all sorts of questions, most of which are not law enforcement related.  It's one of the perks of living in a small town.  However, if the weather is getting ready to turn nasty, please don't call the police.  Nowadays, we all have TV, radio, internet, smart phones.  Look out the window.  If the weather is getting ready to turn, we're getting ready to get busy.  If you hear a tornado siren, don't call to ask if that was the tornado siren.  You know it was.  It's not that we just don't want to talk to you.  If the sirens go off, our day sucks.  Please take pity on us.

Those are the two big problems we have.  I'm sure every agency has their own beef, but this is what makes us go sideways.  Each dispatcher is different, too, with their pet peeves.  My most hated calls are reckless drivers.  There aren't words for how much I despise reckless driver calls.  During my tenure, I've taken hundreds of them.  I think two turned out to be legit.  For the most part, drivers are just a little distracted or just made an honest mistake.  I'm not condoning crappy drivers by any means, but who among us has never crossed the fog line or accidentally pulled out in front of someone?  It happens.  We've all done it.  Relax.

We've had a lot of fun here, too.  Drunks are hilarious.  Not when they're behind the wheel, but later.  There are happy drunks, horny drunks, sad drunks, angry drunks and sometimes they just cycle through. We had a guy that barked like a dog every time someone asked him a question.  We had a kid that raised his arms like he was in a bank holdup the whole time he was in the holding cell.  Then he sat in the trash can and had to waddle like a duck because it was stuck to his butt.  That was fun.