Gym

I finally did it.  I've gone back to the gym.  Yuck.  To say I'm not a fan of the gym would be an understatement.  I have  somewhat of a love/hate relationship with it.  I hate going.  Absolutely hate it.  But I always feel so good afterwards.  Mentally and physically, it makes me feel better.  It's sort of like working overtime.  I hate working the extra hours, but I love payday. 

We have two gyms in town and the one Mom and I use is the old one.  It's smelly.  Half of the equipment has a sticky note on it that says "Use at your own risk."  I'm the youngest person in there by a good thirty years.  It's mostly a gathering place for the old folks in town, which suits me just fine.  The other gym is brand new, with shiny new equipment.  Everything works to perfection and it doesn't stink in there.  But it's also full of the young crowd.  People who are my age and in way better shape than me.  I actually don't mind the boys so much. For the most part, they are actually there to work out, or at least try to look impressive trying to work out.  The girls, on the other hand, are there to look awesome in their workout clothes.  I've seen girls in there spend forty five minutes flitting from machine to machine, never doing any actual work on anything.  But they look good and I hate them.  They are the reason I go to the old, smelly gym. 

I have to bring music with me.  If I don't have my phone I'm not going.  I HAVE to have it.  It provides a necessary distraction.  If I'm on the recumbent bicycle without my phone, all I can think is "My crotch hurts.  My crotch hurts.  My crotch hurts.  My crotch hurts", for as long as I'm on it, which is no fun at all. 

My goal is to, someday, be able to do fifty boys style pushups.  Legit pushups.  At the rate I'm going, I figure it'll take me abbbbooouuuutttt twenty seven years, and by then I'll be too old to do pushups anyway, so why bother?  Every morning at work I watch South Park on Hulu and there are ads for Daily Burn all....the.....time.  I like the idea of Daily Burn.  All kinds of exercises in the privacy of your own home.  Sounds awesome, but the people in the ads make me not even try.  They are all wicked in shape and the exercises that they do in the commercials nearly make me herniate myself just watching.  I'm sure they have exercises for the less athletically inclined but I already feel bad enough about myself.  Nothing good can come from attempting any of that stuff.  Maybe someday.  In twenty seven years.